My Birthday Wishes

 61 today.  Sixty bloody one! I look at people or photos of people and think "oh they're old" only  to learn they are only fifty something. 

 I still feel like a young man,  a kid sometimes.  Except for when i get indigestion from eating junk foods,  or hobble a bit of I've sat to long.  I'm much diet now than i have been since the early 1980s when i practiced to compete in triathlons.  I remember After my 30 year marriage abruptly ended and i took up mowing and gardening to pay the bills.  Each day I'd feel worn out and ached a lot.  It'd scoff chips and burger,  because i fees i didn't really feel good about myself.  But i do now, feel good about myself.  Yeh there's more weight to lose and a harder resolve to develop,  but i am proud of how far I've come.

In February last year i traveled to the Northern Beaches and picked up a used Jamis  Coda- Sport touring bike  I've since bought a fatbike to ride on the beach and a famous touring model, the Surly Long Haul Trucker.  On these I've improved my daily mileage and grown muscle in my mind and body.  I feel so much more adventurous and ready to attack life than I have in years.  

Part of this development, the mental side,  had seen me pull away from my family. I still care for my mum two days a week,  but ive maintained a gap from the small talk. This was a strategic move to protect my  psychology from the jibing and jokey put downs that left me feeling tied to old ways, old boxes,  old straight- jackets. It was only partly to do with self protection, it was as much about me growing up. Realising  that I'm  not limited to being an overweight home-owner parent. That i can wheel out the door and ride for 6 hours, I can eat proper foods only and i can live off a mimimum wage without feeling second best. It takes a lot of soul searching to realise the shape and form of the conditioning you've been exposed to and how tiny verbal pin picks can maintain you inn that comatose state. 

Anyway,  i I've cracked the code and broken the hypnotic stare. My bikes, have been the central tool for gaining liberation. Old habits are hard to shake,  negative emotions can trap you,  but once envisioned,  the brought future is difficult to cede.  

So today,  my birthday,  when "well wishers" rang my phone,  I never answered.  Choosing instead of engaging in  destructive conversation, to fire of a brief message of thanks.

Its not just family that wants you to get back into your pigeon-hole. It happens all the time: people wasting away with addictions will lure you,  people jealous of your trim form will offer sweets and fatty foods. People,  for whatever reason,  tend to drag you down to their level. 

Being positive,  energised andypur best person is not easy,  but it is very rewarding.